Fan Mail
by RSegovia
Summary: Ginny gets fed up with the hate mail and decides to write back. Satire, love story. GinnyHarry, post HBP.


Fan Mail 

**"Harry Potter I love U! Ur my favrit wizrd in th wrld! U should stop dating that Weesly grrl, she is a tramp! Pleez rite me back and send me a signed photo! XOXOXO!"**

Ginny growled and drew her wand to set fire to the latest in a long series of badly-spelled, unintelligent fan letters. Must they always use exclamation points after every sentence? She was getting a headache again, and it frustrated her to get such pointless messages when the wizarding world was in the middle of a life-or-death struggle against evil.

"Whatcha doin'?" asked Fred, strolling into the room. The Weasleys were staying at 12 Grimmauld Place again, and had collectively decided to help Harry answer his mail, since he certainly had no time for this task. He, Ron, and Hermione were working around the clock researching and hunting down Horcruxes. Since her dad and the twins had work, the fan mail task most often fell to Ginny and her mother -- which really meant Ginny alone since Mrs. Weasley was usually cooking or cleaning.

"Just destroying another pointless piece of junk," she told Fred. Her brother picked up the letter and rolled his eyes as he deciphered the inanity.

"Someone needs to tell these people that Harry has much more important things to do than answer these ... can you call them letters? Better yet, ask them for donations to help Harry -- that might just make them worth the parchment and the owl."

Ginny stared at Fred for a moment, and then jumped up and hugged him. "You're a genius, Fred! I'll start writing a blanket response letter right away."

* * *

**"Dear sir or madam:**

**Harry Potter is currently very busy trying to defeat Voldemort. He has no time to answer mail from people who have nothing better to do than sit on their rear and complain about his personal relationships. In light of your interest and admiration of Mr. Potter, we expect your five-galleon donation within four hours. Your contribution to the war fund is appreciated.**

**Sincerely,  
Harry Potter and assistants"**

Harry laughed as he finished reading. "It's perfect, Gin. This ought to get the message across. Basically, 'you annoyed Harry Potter so now you must send money to make up for it.'"

"Got it in one," said Ginny with a grin. "Hopefully this will cut down on the amount of mail as well. I really hate reading that I'm a tramp fifty times a day." She paused and looked up at him. "Especially since we're no longer dating..."

Harry pulled her into his arms. "Hey, it's only until this war is over."

"I can take care of myself," she said stiffly. "And if everyone knows how we feel about each other anyway, it doesn't really matter if we're officially dating."

"Ok, then. We're unofficially dating. I guess I'm just scared to lose you. And I feel bad for neglecting you while I'm spending so much time with the war stuff."

She put her hand on his cheek. "I understand that, Harry, and whatever time you can make is good enough for me. I know that you care, and I'll be there for you whenever you need me."

* * *

Pictures of Harry Potter covered the walls of her room, interspersed with pictures of Ginny Weasley which had been scratched, punctured, decorated with ink, and otherwise mutilated. 13-year-old Trysha Cooper looked in dismay between the letter she had just received and the baleful glare of the snowy owl who had delivered it. 

_Where am I going to get five galleons?_

Dumping out her entire savings from an old jar (decorated with a picture of Harry Potter, naturally), she put the coins in an envelope and started to give it to the owl. At the last moment, she decided to slip in a signed photo of herself. ("Rite me! Luv, Tryyshaa!") The white owl flew away with a mocking hoot.

_Maybe he'll see it, _she thought. Picking up a photo of Ginny Weasley, Trysha resumed her therapeutic mutilation, but couldn't escape the feeling of hopelessness when the armless and legless Ginny in the photo smirked at her in triumph.

* * *

This is for all rabid teenage fangirls and Ginny-haters who should feel ashamed of themselves and learn to spell properly. The end.  



End file.
